Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
