I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
