Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My breasts were aching with rage.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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