i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
