I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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