so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
