you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize