3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
