trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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