gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
