I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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