the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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