Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
