Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hippo gnu deer
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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