My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
