so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
