Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
