Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How's work?
Spinning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
