I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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