I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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