This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
