when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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