And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
