If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize