Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
