So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
