Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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