if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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