We won't sleep together?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
