oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
