6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
