if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
