he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think my mom watched the whole time
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
