I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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