How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You're like the curious george of whores
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
