well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
