Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
