Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
