I didn't shave. On purpose
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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