dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
