the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
