Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
