the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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