Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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