My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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