Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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