he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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