I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
