I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
