i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
