Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
