I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
