i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
