I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My ass is underappreciated
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
