she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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