I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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