sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
