You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
