I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
