plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize