Is it because I queefed?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
