I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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