I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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